Well today not only marks my start back at my job working for Ulpan San Francisco, but also marks the start of my first week back from Israel-Palestine. (The last few days don't really count, as I was extremely jet-lagged and slept most of the time). As I arrived back to one of my jobs this morning at 8AM, I felt nervous and excited to finally meet the students of Ulpan SF, as well as see the final product of the hard work that I've been doing since January for this program. However, I also felt kind of scared to get back into "routine". My fear is that in re-adapting to my daily routine, I will cease to utilize what I've learned from the past 3 and a half weeks in Israel-Palestine in my everyday thoughts and actions; however, as the morning has drawn on, I've realized that this will never happen, and Israel-Palestine will forever be with me.

I've thought so much about BBIP this morning, today, the last few days. As the Ulpan students were arriving to their classrooms this morning, I was greeted with variations of the same set of statements and questions: "Welcome home! Are you Celeste? How was Israel? Are you glad to be back?" Each time I was greeted, the questions hit me in a way I'd never been hit before. Yes, I am Celeste. I suppose I am "home", although I miss Israel-Palestine terribly, as the last few weeks it became my home, and now has a special place in my heart as one form of "home". How was Israel? All of my responses incorporated the hyphenate Israel-Palestine, as I was not solely in Israel, and I believe it was my experiences in both Israel AND Palestine that have shaped the person I am at this moment. Am I glad to be back? I say yes, as that is the more professional response, but I still don't quite understand how I feel being "back home". Sure, I was happy to see family, friends, work colleagues. But I also feel an immense amount of sadness, as I will never look at my world here with the sense of innocence I once had prior to my study experience in Israel-Palestine. My eyes have now been opened wide, and I feel like I am finally seeing the world and it's people through a more humanistic lens. Though this is hard for me at times, with pain and immense compassion also comes great beauty.

Upon my arrival back from Israel-Palestine a few days ago, my friends and family began bombarding me with questions about my experience. I felt that I had a hard time expressing in words my experience, and with that felt immensely alone. However, I know that I am not alone, as I'm sure my peers have experienced or will experience a similar sense of longing for understanding of what we have seen and gone through over the past few weeks. With that, I feel extremely thankful for Huda, Oren, Marisa, Lexi, Matt, Tessa, Caitlin, and Lizzi, for though I may feel alone,I am not alone. I feel comforted with my thoughts, and the way I now orient towards the world, as I see things differently. I suppose now my task is to learn how to cope with my new found difference in perception. It may be a challenge, but it is a challenge that I am willing and excited to take on.

-Celeste Wilson

Today I woke up at 7am; I showered, threw the last few items in my suitcase and trudged down the stairs to enjoy my last Holy Land Hotel breakfast. It was a lonely meal- devoid of the friendly laughter and piercing sarcasm of my missing companions. I echoed my routine meal of toast, hard-boiled egg, cheese, olives, grapefruit, and lipton tea. This breakfast has become a familiar comfort, as has the staff who greats us daily. Preparing to leave this haven, I felt more fear than at any other point in this trip. This is really my first foray into independence (although a figurative one, not including financial sustainability unfortunately). Throughout the BBIP program, I was taken care of, mothered, challenged, and listened to. I am both scared and looking forward to the conclusion of this chapter and to the beginning of a new one.

I arrived at my new apartment around 9am. My first order of business was to collect my wire transfer from western union (the cause of this is another long, boring, emotionally taxing experience). When I got back to the apartment, Omer gave me the keys and set off on his own adventure. We are both on a journey; I am using his house to enrich mine while he is using my money to enrich his. 12 Koresh st, Jerusalem. I never thought that would be my address.

While unpacking, I attempted to add a little flair to the space of a hardcore streamlined architecture student. I hung up my string of colorful camels from the old city, placed a tapestry on the bedside chair and gave my carved Bethlehem camels a home on the nightstand.

Thanks to contacts garnered through my teacher-friends at BBIP, I have a small network which I hope will blossom in the coming months. Unfortunately, some of the friends I have made here are not able to visit me; they reside behind the wall in Ramallah and are not permitted to travel. I hope to visit them as often as my finances and time allow. Luckily, other friends are just around the corner.

I have been thinking a lot about my brother Sean recently. If it were possible, I would really like him to visit me here. In a lot of situations, I think he would flourish. In others, I am sure he would be challenged. His upbeat smile and comforting eyes put anyone at ease. Like Matt (a friend from the program), Sean would garner stares and comments from the locals due to his height. In addition to causing a bit of a ruckus, this attention often creates amazing opportunities for personal connections. So, if you happen to see my parents, ask them to poke Sean with a stick and help him get a passport. :-)

Sunday I have a meeting with Ir Amim ( http://www.ir-amim.org.il/eng/ ). I am extremely excited to begin whatever work I am going to do with this organization. I hope to have clear goals in my head by that time. If nothing else, I am content licking stamps and getting a feel for the NGO world.

-Lexi Curtice

I am from the struggle;
I am from Humanism;
I am from Hip-Hop.

I am from the countryside;
I am from the city;
I am from the suburbs;
I am from The Mansion;
I am from Illinois;
I am from Philadelphia;
I am from love;
I am from independence;
I am from strength;
I am from freedom;
I am from footballs;
I am from lacrosse sticks;
I am from track spikes;
I am from basketball hoops;
I am from unemployment;
I am from Doctorate;
I am from fried chicken;
I am from indoor pool;
I am from Tobasco Sauce;
I am from Thomas Blackshear;
I am from black Santa;
I am from black power;
I am from black is beautiful;
I am from a broken home.

I am from Phil Mont;
I am from the Bible;
I am from WWJD?
I am from poetry;
I am from Germantown Academy;
I am from assimilation;
I am from happiness;
I am from popularity;
I am from whiteness;
I am from the American Dream;
I am from Beamer, Benz, or Bentley;
I am from Swarthmore;
I am from money;
I am from music;
I am from creative writing;
I am from philosophy;
I am from intellectuals;
I am from isolation;
I am from brilliance;
I am from genius;
I am from liberals;
I am from liberal arts;
I am from overwhelming pressure;
I am from critical thinking;
I am from dank ass bud;
I am from diversity;
I am from depression;
I am from shame;
I am from Beyond Bridges;
I am from conflict transformation;
I am from checkpoints;
I am from soldiers;
I am from shock;
I am from tents;
I am from privilege;
I am from guilt;
I am from fraternal love;
I am from open-mindedness;
I am from change;
I am from paralysis;
I am from hope.

I am from America;
I am from Africa;
I am from Georgia;
I am from Pennsylvania;
I am from Audubon;
I am from Norristown;
I am from Philly.

I am the baby of the family;
I am the spoiled brat;
I am the hopeless romantic;
I am the hermit;
I am the social butterfly;
I am the shy artist;
I am the soundtrack to facebook;
I am the life of the party;
I am the beat of the drum;
I am the master turntablist;
I am the record-breaking athlete;
I am the renaissance man;
I am the photographic memory;
I am the phonographic memory;
I am the prolific writer;
I am the college dropout.

I am from peacemaking;
I am from innovation;
I am from change;
I am from literature;
I am from mediation;
I am from music;
I am from hope;
I am from happiness;
I am from You.

-Matt Turner

It is getting harder and harder to describe my feelings as we near the end of the program. On July 22nd, my official program ends. From there, I will spend the next two months here exploring and hopefully working toward a goal of some sort. I am not yet sure what that goal is.

For the end of the program, we are required to give a presentation on a topic of our choice. Most of the group had a coherent thought, question, or beginning to their project. My thoughts weren't organized quite so clearly. Identity plays a huge role in this conflict, and of course life in general. Throughout the trip, I have been thinking about my personal identity and what role I am supposed to play here. I feel connected to this place- but I have no clue why. I am not a Jewish person, a Muslim, an Israeli, a Palestinian nor a part of any other group traditionally involved personally in this conflict. This has lead me to a bit of an identity crisis.

My project is going to be based on some sort of identity; I am just not sure which identity or how that looks yet. There are many experiences that have shaped who I am today. I have no clue which ones led me here. I have never said that I am this or I am that. The only thing I guess I can strongly identify with is being a female. That doesn't exactly narrow down my pool though. I have been exploring my adaptability as well. Sometimes I think that I can easily fit into many different lifestyles and cultures with ease. This has made it hard for me to strongly identify with any single or comprehensive naming device. I guess I call myself American, but I am not sure that I would be missing very much of my core being if I were in a different country (as I am now). Nonetheless, I suppose that I do have a certain fondness for California.

So, my preliminary thought is that my identity is my family, but also the culmination of my experiences thus far. Many of my significant life experiences have happened in the presence of or under the auspices of family members. Yet, a lot of my growing up happened in Santa Barbara. I was telling the group today that I used to get extremely frustrated during arguments and confrontations. I would end up leaving the room or becoming very upset. This trip has brought my growing experience full circle. Beginning with summer 2006, I have been on an explicit mission to educate myself, both in order to defend my positions and open my mind to new ones. I seek to understand those around me and be mindful of the effect (positive or negative) that I have on them. While I still have a long way to go, I am now very comfortable having a conversation with those I disagree with; I am able to listen and most of the time, to understand a different viewpoint.
My identity is the comprehensive filing cabinet of 22 years of happiness, heartache, laughter and tears. It is the mountains of northern California and the dozens of places I have not yet been. It is feeling like my dog knows when I am sad and having the kind of family that knows too. It is my mind struggling between awe and understanding of people, places and life itself. I guess that sometimes I need to stop trying to name my identity and just get on with shaping it.

-Lexi Curtice

Yesterday was our "free day"; we went to Tel Aviv to sort of "get away" from talking about and being immersed in politics and issues of the conflict. We all had a pretty wonderful, though exhausting day in the heat. Today we headed to Talitha Kumi and watched a film called "The Forgotten Refugees", which is about Arab/Middle Eastern Jews who are refugees of their former Arab countries. Also Gadi introduced us to his friends from both Combatants for Peace and Wounded Crossing Borders. They each had really interesting stories abut why they joined such organizations. Suliman, a Palestinian member of Combatants for Peace, told us how he was arrested at 14 for stabbing an Israeli soldier and was sentenced to 15 years in prison. He understood and was not bitter about his sentence, but learned much in the prison about "the enemy", and was able to realize that militancy can in no way solve the real problems of the conflict, and that peace is the only way. It was powerful to hear him speak, and mention that Israelis and Palestinians are different people, and that they don't have to agree or get along even, but they need to get to know one another and work towards friendship and compromise. Translating culture (culture that may even be shared in some cases) is an important thing to do; but how does one go about that when so many people are close-minded? Education is my best bet, and also my personal opinion. But who knows...

After the film finished some Jewish members of Wounded Crossing Borders told us stories of their family history regarding being refugees from Arab countries. They each had really powerful and personal stories to share, which kept getting interrupted by Suliman who didn't quite agree with their refugee status and their familial situations. Eventually the arguing got semi-chaotic, which just goes to show that conflict transformation and dialogue are by no means easy work. It was really interesting to watch these grown adults arguing with one another; as Lexi pointed out, the arguing is ever-present because everyone is "right" in terms of this conflict.

-Celeste Wilson